Empty Womb + Broken Hearts: Living after a miscarriage
Sweet Pea Births - ...celebrating every sweet pea and their birth
RSS Follow Become a Fan

Delivered by FeedBurner


Recent Posts

Postpartum Wellness Series: Nutrition
World Kindness Day 2017
Postpartum Wellness Series: SLEEP
In Their Own Words: Erica ~ Part 2
In Their Own Words: Erica ~ Part 1

Most Popular Posts

An Inside Look: Modern Mommy Boutique
Breastfeeding Support Groups: La Leche League
A Look At the honest company
An Inside Look: Placenta Encapsulation
Mommy-Con Phoenix Ticket Giveaway

Categories

Acupuncture
Affirmation
Allergies
Amniotomy
AROM
Artifical Rupture of Membranes
Ask the Doula
Augmentation
Avoiding harmful substances
Baby
Baby blues
Baby Concierge
Baby games
Baby-led weaning
Babymoon
Babywearing
Back Labor
Bag of Waters
Bedtime Routine
Belly Cast
Berman's Law
Big Latch On
Birth
Birth center
Birth Centers Phoenix AZ area
Birth Circle
Birth Mantra
Birth News
Birth place options
Birth plans
Birth Story
Birth Story Listening
Birthing From Within
Blog Carnival
BLW
Bradley Day Family Picnic
Bradley Method®
Bradley Method® birth story
Bradley Method® for next baby
Bradley Method® for second pregnancy
Bradley Method® outcome
Bradley® Coaches
Bradley® Dads
Bradley™ classes and the next baby
Bradley™ classes for next pregnancy
Bradley™ classes for second pregnancy
Breast Pumps
Breast Pumps and Workplace
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding 101
Breastfeeding Awareness Month
Breastfeeding Challenges
Breastfeeding in Public
Breastfeeding support
Breech presentation
Breech turning techniques
Cassandra Okamoto
Cephalo-Pelvic Disproportion
Cesarean Birth
Cesarean Support Group
Cesarean Surgery
Child Spacing
Childcare
Children's Books
Chiropractic Care
CIO
Circumcision
Co Sleeping
Coaches
Coaching
Coach's Corner
Comfort Measures
Communication
Contest
Cord Clamping
CPD
Cry It Out
Crying
Dairy Allergy
Debbie Gillespie, IBCLC, RLC
Dehydration and Pregnancy
Delayed Cord Clamping
Depression
Doulas
Drinking during labor
Due Date
Eating during labor
Eclampsia
ECV
Engorgement
Epidural
Episiotomy
Essential Oils
Exercise
External Cephalic Version
Eye Drops
Eye Ointment
Eye Prophylaxis
Failure to Progress
Family Bed
Family Fest
Family Fun
Fear-Tension-Pain Cycle
Fertility
Fetal Distress
First Birthday
First Foods for baby
First stage labor
First Trimester
Flower Essences
Fluid Retention
FTP
Full term
Fussy baby
Galactogogues
Gestational Diabetes
Giveaway
Going to your birthplace
Gowning
Green Nursery
Grief Counseling and Support Services
Healing
Healthy, Low-Risk
Hearing Screen
Heat Comfort Measures
Herbalist
Homebirth
Hospital Birth
Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Hyperthermia and Pregnancy
IBCLC
Immediate Cord Clamping
In Their Own Words
Increase Breastmilk
Induction
Induction of Labor
Infant Care
Infant Classes
Infections and Pregnancy
Info Sheet
Information Center
Information Sheet
Informed Consent
Inside Look
Jaundice
La Leche League
Labor Augmentation
Labor Induction
Labor Marathon
Labor Sprint
Labor Support
Lactation Consult
Lactation Consultation
Lactivist
Managing or coping with natural labor
Mantra
Maternity Keepsake
Meditation
Meet the Doula
Membranes
Midwife
Midwifery Care
Midwifery Scope of Practice Committee
Milk Supply
Miscarriage or Stillbirth
Modern Mommy Boutique
Mommy-Con
Monday Mantra
Monitrice
Morning Sickness
NAP
Natural Alignment Plateau
Natural birth
natural labor coping mechanisms
Natural labor coping techniques
Nausea
Neonatal Eye Drops
Neonatal Eye Ointment
Neonatal Eye Prophylaxis
Newborn
Newborn Care
Newborn jaundice
Newborn Procedures
Next baby
Next pregnancy
NICU
NIP
NPO
Nursery
Nursing
Nursing and Maternity Bras
Nursing In Public
Nursing Strike
Nutrition
Obstetrical Care
Oxytocin
Pain
Pain management
Pain management natural labor
Parenting
Past due date
Patient Bill of Rights
Perineum
Phoenix Mommy-Con Mini
Photographer
Placenta
Placenta Encapsulation
Planning for Baby
Playing with baby
Postdate
Postmature baby
Postpartum
Postpartum Depression
Postpartum Doula
Postpartum Plan
Pre-eclampsia
Preemies
Pregnancy
Pregnancy Loss
Premature Baby
Premature Ruptture of Membranes
Pre-term Labor
Prolonged Labor
PROM
Q&A with SPB
Rally to Improve Birth
Relaxation
Relaxation practice
Repeat Bradley™ classes
Rights for Homebirth
ROM
RSV
Rupture of Membranes
Scavenger Hunt
Second Stage Labor
Sensory games
Sibling Preparation for Newborn Arrival
Sleep Sharing
Sling
Soft-structured carrier
Starting Solids
Stripping Membranes
Support Groups
Sweeping Membranes
Sweet Pea Births
Swelling in Pregnancy
Tandem Nursing
Teething
The Bradley Method®
The Bradley Method® classes
The Bradley Method® pain management
Third Trimester
Thoughtful Thursday
Tongue Tie
Tongue Tie Procedure
Toxins, pesticides, chemicals and pregnancy
Traditions
Transition
Twins
Upcoming Events
Use of vacuum extraction
Uterine Rupture
Vaccines
Vaginal Birth After Cesarean
Vaginal Birth After Multiple Cesareans
Variations and Complications
VBAC
Vitamin K
Warning Labels
Waterbirth
WBW2013
Weaning
Webster Protocol
Weekend Activities
Why we chose the Bradley Method® childbirth classes
Wordless Wednesday
World Breastfeeding Week
Wrap
powered by

Sweet Peas, Pods & Papas: All About Birth, B@@bs & Babies

Empty Womb + Broken Hearts: Living after a miscarriage

Miscarriage has touched our SPB community again.  We grieve with the aching hearts of those families.  There is no way I know of to erase that pain, regret, constant questioning, the loss of a dream of the new child that was supposed to join the family.  The only thing that has eased the pain for us are the sands of time.
 
We suffered a miscarriage in 2006.  We hardly ever talk about it.  We do not want to scare people, especially our students, or worry them unnecessarily.  Most pregnancies will proceed to a healthy mom, healthy baby birth journey.  BUT, the reality is that “most” is matter of numbers.  80-85% is greater than 15-20% (reference HERE).  In real numbers, that is one out of five!  If there are five girlfriends in your circle…then one of you has probably had a miscarriage.  
 
I am one of those five – “we” are, really.  The Sweet Pea Kids know about it – they noticed that there was a bigger space between birthdates between Puma and Night Owl, and asked about it, as children will.  Bruss and I have never really “talked” about it – I guess we are both okay as we are going to be now.  Maybe I should ask him.
 
We did go on to have three more children after our miscarriage, for which I am extremely grateful.  As much as I would like to say that I stopped worrying about having a miscarriage again after our "rainbow" baby, it would be a lie. 

It is something that hung over me with every pregnancy afterwards.  Hoping the floor was not going to fall out from under me again.  Praying fervently every night that this baby would be okay, breathing a sigh of relief when the dawn broke and I was still pregnant.  

The only thing that helped me start to heal was to the trust in design. I wrapped my mind and my heart around the idea that for some reason, this baby was not "okay" and was not developing well. In her wisdom, Mother Nature changed the plan.   

As it turns out, the mantra I created for myself out of that idea is actually backed up by the evidence.  One might begin their own healing journey with this fact: "Most miscarriages are caused by chromosome problems that make it impossible for the baby to develop. Usually, these problems are not related to the mother's or father's genes." (quote from this article 

YOU didn't DO anything wrong.
 
As with most things pregnancy related, the more I have learned, the better I can support others.  I encourage you not to suffer alone.  Loss and grief are isolating in our culture, where only happy, shiny thoughts are shared and encouraged.  Now, thanks to the age of the Internet, I have been able to find resources to share with the families in our community.
 
And, if you ever want to an ear to listen, please feel free to call or write me.  I can be an ear to listen, or beyond that, go to a support meeting with you.  I would be happy to sit down for a cup of tea with you – whatever I can do to help would be an honor.
 
Resource List
Here is the resource list – some are local to Phoenix, others are national organizations, and of course some social media groups as well.  I am also listing some books for those of you that process through reading – most are available as e-books as well.

Putting this at the top of the list since most of students in this situation have at least one child already ~ available HERE*

Picture Book: "We Were Gonna Have A Baby, But We Have An Angel Instead" 

"A children’s book told from a young child’s perspective about the excitement and dreams of a coming baby, and the disappointment and sadness of a miscarriage. Beautiful ink and watercolor illustrations."*

 
Support Groups & Online Communities
Arizona Perinatal Loss Bereavement Resource, Banner Desert Medical Center
1400 S. Dobson Road, Mesa, 85202
480-512-3595
Provides a network of support for those experiencing a pregnancy or infant loss. This resource gives parents a statewide network of support, current bereavement literature on a variety of topics, educational opportunities and resources in the community, state and national level.
 
Banner Health Warm Line – Support for parents who have suffered miscarriage or infant loss 
RTS Bereavement 230-CARE Line, (602) 230-2273
 
HAND Helping After Neonatal Death
HAND is a resource network of parents, professionals, and supportive volunteers that offers a variety of services throughout Northern California and the Central Valley.
 
M.E.N.D. Mother's Enduring Neonatal Death
M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) is a Christian, non-profit organization that reaches out to families who have suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death.
 
M.I.S.S. Foundation
The M.I.S.S. Foundation provides immediate and ongoing support to grieving families through community volunteerism opportunities, public polic y and legislative education and programs to reduce infant and toddler death through research and education.
 
SHARE Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc
The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life.
 
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
They offer the free gift of professional portraiture and remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby.  “The NILMDTS Foundation is there for parents and families to help aid them in their Healing, bring Hope to their future, and Honor their child.  It is through Remembrance that a family can truly begin to heal.”  They feel that these images serve as an important step in the family’s healing process by honoring their child’s legacy.
 
Bereavement and Support Website for Care Providers and Families
 
A Christian site for baby loss:
 
Glow In The Woods
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/ 
This website deals with all kinds of baby loss.  There is also lots of helpful advice for things you may have to deal with depending on the stage of loss like stopping lactation, planning a funeral, and how to help others going through a loss.   
 

Social Media



 
Reading List
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart
The heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death affects thousands of U.S. families every year. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart offers reassurance to parents who struggle with anger, guilt, and despair after such tragedy. Deborah Davis encourages grieving and makes suggestions for coping. This book strives to cover many different kinds of loss, including information on issues such as the death of one or more babies from a multiple birth, pregnancy interruption, and the questioning of aggressive medical intervention. There is also a special chapter for fathers as well as a chapter on "protective parenting" to help anxious parents enjoy their precious living children. Doctors, nurses, relatives, friends, and other support persons can gain special insight. Most importantly, parents facing the death of a baby will find necessary support in this gentle guide. If reading this book moves you to cry, try to accept this reaction. Your tears merge with those of other grieving parents.
 
A purpose of this book is to let bereaved parents know that they are not alone in their grief. With factual information and the words and insights of other bereaved parents, you can establish realistic expectations for your grief. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart is meant to help you through these difficult experiences by giving you things to think about, providing suggestions for coping and encouraging you to do what you need to survive your baby's death. Whether your baby dies recently or long ago, this information can be useful to you.
 
An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination: A Memoir
"This is the happiest story in the world with the saddest ending," writes Elizabeth McCracken in her powerful, inspiring memoir. A prize-winning, successful novelist in her 30s, McCracken was happy to be an itinerant writer and self-proclaimed spinster. But suddenly she fell in love, got married, and two years ago was living in a remote part of France, working on her novel, and waiting for the birth of her first child.

This book is about what happened next. In her ninth month of pregnancy, she learned that her baby boy had died. How do you deal with and recover from this kind of loss? Of course you don't--but you go on. And if you have ever experienced loss or love someone who has, the company of this remarkable book will help you go on.

With humor and warmth and unfailing generosity, McCracken considers the nature of love and grief. She opens her heart and leaves all of ours the richer for it.
  
About What Was Lost: 20 Writers About Miscarriage, Healing, and Hope
“In this intimate anthology, twenty writers explore the grief and sadness—and hope—that living through a miscarriage can bring.
Featuring such notable writers as Pam Houston, Joyce Maynard, Caroline Leavitt, Susanna Sonnenberg, and Julianna Baggott, among many others, About What Was Lost is the only book that uses honest, eloquent, and deeply moving narrative to provide much-needed solace and support on the subject of pregnancy loss.
Today, as many as one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. And yet, many women are surprised to find that instead of simply grieving the end of a pregnancy, they feel as if they are mourning the loss of a child. Taken aback by their sorrow, they seek solace in similar perspectives—only to find that a silence and lingering stigma surrounds the topic. Revealing a wide spectrum of experiences and perspectives, this powerful collection offers comfort and community for the millions of women (and their loved ones) who experience this all-too-common kind of loss every year.” 



Disclaimer: 
Bradley Method® natural childbirth classes offered in Arizona: convenient to Chandler, Tempe, Ahwatukee, Gilbert, Mesa, Scottsdale, PaysonThe material included in this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The viewer should always consult her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation.  Krystyna and Bruss Bowman and Bowman House, LLC accept no liability for the content of this site, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided.  This blog contains information about our classes available in Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley Method®. The views contained in this video and on our blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth®.

0 Comments to Empty Womb + Broken Hearts: Living after a miscarriage:

Comments RSS

Add a Comment

Your Name:
Email Address: (Required)
Website:
Comment:
Make your text bigger, bold, italic and more with HTML tags. We'll show you how.
Post Comment
Website Builder provided by  Vistaprint