![]() It’s all too easy to fall prey to the demons and the media
that tell us that we are failing as a mother because look-y at what this mom
over here can do. There are piles upon
piles of parenting books that suggest we are inadequate therefore we need to
search for wisdom in their pages. There
are so many things by which people can be split into camps: breastfeeding vs.
formula; babywearing vs. gadgets; washing your own diapers vs. throwing them
away; making baby food vs. buying pre-packed food...and the list goes on…and
on. I feel like its time to stop looking around and feeling
guilty or defensive. Choose to be the
best mom that you want to be. You are
enough. You are capable. You are the right mother for your
child(ren). You are on a journey
together. I say God, maybe you say a
Higher Power; anyway, someone put you together for a reason.
As it is the eve of Mother’s Day in the United States, I
wanted to share thoughts for mothers here, or wherever you are in location, and
along your journey of motherhood.
To you beautiful mamas, and to the people who support them –
here are some mothering lessons I have learned along the way – only consider
the lessons that work for you…
Books are tools, not Bibles. About those parenting books – there is some
valuable information in them. However,
if just one book applied to all people, there would not be hundreds of them out
there, written about the one subject of parenting. Read the ones that you think apply to your
situation; think about the suggestions or draw from their inspiration. I always go back to the La Leche League
analogy of the buffet – only put what appeals to you on your plate, leave the
rest on the table, or the bookshelf, so to speak.
Choose for your family and embrace your choice. Only you can decide what works for you. You do not need to explain or defend the
choices that you are making. “This works
for us” or “This works for our family” is enough. If someone persists, you can always use my
favorite ICAN quote, “Do you really think I would make a choice that I thought
would harm my child?”
Be okay with experimenting. Does something look interesting? Does something sound like it might work? Can you implement it safely and without long
term damage to yourself of your child(ren)?
What do you think about trying it? You can try things with a timeline – try it
for a day, or for a week…or however long you think is reasonable. You can even announce to your kiddos, “this
is just a trial – let’s talk about what we think in a couple of days.” If it works, great! If not, now you know it’s not the right
choice for your family. Be okay with changing your mind. So, what if you tried something and it didn’t
work? What a great lesson for our
children – it’s okay to be flexible.
It’s okay to admit a goof. It’s
okay to change course and try something else.
Most of us have figured out that the one constant in life is
change. We can show our child(ren) how
to be masters of embracing change, rather than running to hide because
something is new and uncertain.
Know who you want to be. Ask yourself what you want your children to
remember about you as a mother. Strive
to fill their memories with those actions or emotions. You can always start over; there are do-overs
if you make a mistake. Children are
resilient and they are forgiving – I have been blessed by their grace many
times.
Ask yourself what you want your partner (if there is one) to
remember about your motherhood. Strive
to be the person you want them to see beyond the perfect house or the messy
house, or if you haven’t taken a shower yet or if you’re sparkling. When I remember to take a deep breath, the
reminder that I want Bruss to be proud of me helps me get through most of the
chaos. (Yes, I am a messy house, no shower mom!)
Humor is your ally.
One of the best ways to diffuse tension is to find something to laugh
about. Make crazy faces. Make up a silly song. Our kiddos find it especially hysterical when
I sing in my “opera voice”. A shared
laugh doesn’t hurt or leave scars. It
will make everyone smile and serve as a springboard to happier choices.
“Make it a YES.”
That has become one of my favorite phrases lately. I have no idea where I picked it up. (Know the source? Let me know!)
Children all learn along the way to say no. Instead of getting into the back and forth of
an argument, or escalate to a stand off, this simple question asks them to take
action towards the request you made. I have also made it my mantra. Our children have requests on a daily
basis…can we bake cookies? Can we go
outside? Can we ride our bikes? Can we play Legos? Instead of saying no because I have a million
things on my to-do list, I try to say yes to the things that are
reasonable. Or even if they are
unreasonable, they are worth saying, “yes” to.
I figure if I want to hear more “yes” when I make a request, then I need
to be good at saying “yes”, too. If I’m
tight on time, I say, “Yes, for (time)
minutes.”
When I know I have a crazy busy day or week coming up, I
make it a point to ask the kiddos, “What do you want to do (today)?” And then I do my best to honor them and their
choices, because they have no idea what is in my head. That little effort goes a long way when it
comes to filling their Happy Tank. Life
is so much smoother when the Happy Tank is full.
Trust your intuition.
You know that connection you think you have? It is real. You have the unique opportunity to have
carried this growing life from your child’s inception, through their birth, and
now you are watching them grow. If you listen to your inner voice as it relates to your
child, you will ask the right questions, you will follow the right course. I have never heard anyone say they wish they
had ignored that voice. I often hear, “I
should have listened to my intuition” or, “I just knew something was wrong.”
For a reminder of just how connected you are to
your child(ren), look at their belly button.
The belly button is a great reminder of the umbilical cord; in pregnancy
you made all decisions for the two of you.
That was their lifeline to you, and you will never lose that special
“just the two of you” bond.
You are unique and you are loved. On the days when you are feeling overwhelmed,
take the time to remember that you are also unique and cherished. Take a look at your belly button! I think that sometimes we forget that we were
the sparkle and special to someone else once upon a time. If our mother’s are still living, we still
remain children in their eyes. My mom always tells me this when she is going to tell me
something she thinks I probably already know, and it is, “I know you know, but
I have to say it because I cannot stop being your mother.” Even as I roll my
eyes (only sometimes, Mom!), I love the reminder that she still adores me and
wants the best for me. As daughters, I
will bet many of us still call our mothers, or our mother figure, when we need
a recipe or a word of advice, a word of comfort, or a sounding board. Take heart in that adult relationship, and use it to
re-charge your battery and face your day with renewed optimism. It will not
always be making dinner, or cleaning up messes, or doing laundry. Eventually children grow up, they go out and
make their own way in the world. You
will become their friend and confidante, and you will be fielding the calls
from across town, or maybe from halfway across the world. The circle of life is a beautiful thing.
Wherever you are, whatever you choose for your family, I
wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day. May
it be filled with your favorite things as you celebrate your motherhood with
the people you love.
The word MOTHER is
many things to many people. You are the
original earthly source of life. You are
the person who nourishes your child’s soul.
You are the original source of comfort.
You are the protector and the teacher. What else would you
add to the list of “A MOTHER IS…”? LINK LIST *Anthropology of Breastfeeding
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/story/2012-05-11/breastfeeding-rates/54909940/1
**Benefits of Extended Breastfeeding
http://skinship.typepad.com/skinship/2007/07/extended-breast.html
**Diagram of a Breastfed Toddler
http://www.thealphaparent.com/2012/03/diagram-of-breastfed-toddler.html
**Breastfeeding A Toddler “Myths”
http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/116520/5_Toddler_Breastfeeding_Myths_That
*Ask the Right Questions *Celebrities Who Breastfed Toddlers
http://www.bestforbabes.org/celebrities-who-breastfed-toddlers-but-not-on-the-cover-of-time
*MY FAVORITE RESPONSES TO THE TIME COVER PHOTO **OTHER COOL INFO Disclaimer: The
material included on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation. Krystyna and Bruss Bowman and Bowman House, LLC accept no liability for the content of this site, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided. This blog contains information about our classes available in Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley Method®. The views contained on this blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth®. |